(One-shot due to my utter shitty patience in doing full stories; that means "Rayman: Off the Record" is on hold... possibly even cancelled. Hey, at least I'm not Megaman Legends 3... sniff)
It's a beautiful day in... some place around here on Earth. Meh...
Okay, enough nonsense! And let's get right into the good stuff. It is a beautiful, but boring, awful, uninspired... I can't do this, okay?! Sigh... Jim was at his shack, on where he lived with his roommate and best friend Peter Puppy, setting up a camera to film him, as a way to do talking to fans.
Peter: *walking in to Jim, who is hilarously failing to set up his tripod correctly* Uh... what'cha doing?
Jim: Oh, hello there, small fella! I'm just-ah... hmn.. setting up this thing for these.. uh, how do you call these that ya show yer face to the camera on MooTube?
Jim: Sorreh, not a plumber, can't work on clogs!
Peter: I said Vlogs! V-L-O-G-S!
Jim: Ooh.. ya mean video blogs! *he sees Peter's utter "oh really?" face* Sorry if I'm not into these-ah, well, portmanteau things!
Peter: *he sighs deeply* Okay... tell me why are you planning to do one, then?
Jim: Oh, hehe, I always found most of these cool, and abunch of fans on the internet keep asking me: "Do a vlog!", "make a channel!"...! *keeps talking all the stuff while Peter helps him set the tripod up* But guess what my lil' pal! Their dreams will come to life!
Peter: Heh, nice to know you love your fans!
Jim: I do! They make me feel better!
Peter: Aww, how cute.
Jim: Make me feel better about my ego!
Peter: And then again, you just kill the mood. Classic Jim, as always. *snickers*
Jim: Keep it shut, mind you? Now feast at this tripod! *points them at the tripod with the camera, which then all the pods get separated, prompting to make them and the camera falling headfirst on the ground* Damn you, Newton!
Peter: Okay, Jim, no offense, but lemme fix this thing for you! *pushes him away as he picks up the defixed tripod, and the camera*
Jim: Oh, beliemme', Pete! I ain't offended at all... *he jumps into the couch and picks up a magazine* Try to do a good job!
Peter: ...lazy bum... *sighs and goes into fixing it*
(Minutes later, Jim films, edits, and spices up his vlog.)
(Fron now on, the dialogue will be based on the video Jim made!)
Jim: *pops up to the middle of the screen* Ladies and gentlemen, good evening! Or... good morning, good afternoon, who cares? Heh, the name's Earthworm Jim, the greatest superhero of the galaxy!
Peter: *offscreen* But ain't that Superman?
Jim: *looks angrily* That red trouser wearing fool doesn't exist, you son of a-
Jim: And, heh, I.. kinda decided to these, heh, clogs, and...
Jim: Heeh... THOSE, and what's a better way to male a sensational debut on-line than telling you guys what I do every other boring, stupid, worthless, laughable and awful day of my life?! Well, eating pizza, but I got so many questions from you that I'm not bothered to eat pizzaaaAAAAAARRRGGHHH.
"Morninwood": hey Jim, what's your morning routine?
Jim: Well, my friend, that's pretty, really basic stuff... first, I wake up!
(Cuts to a still of Jim peacefully sleeping on his bed, snoring loudly)
(An alarm clock start to go off, playing a MIDI version of "New Junk City")
Jim: *grabs his gun and shoots it until it explodes* Eeatt duurt, styupeehd alahhrmm claaoorkk daaht ruuihns mah sleeuuhpp... hahhmmhahamnhhn... *mumbling in his sleep and pillow* (Eat dirt, stupid alarm clock that ruins my sleep, hahahaha..)
Jim: *now in the bathroom, he's brushing his teeth*
Peter: *waking up* G' mornin', Jim...
Jim: Howdy, roommate... slept well?
Peter: Was until you told the clock to eat dirt.
Jim: ...sorry. I'll buy another one... of the thousands that I broke. *cuts to a box full of broken clocks, while a "scare chord" plays* (you know, those from Spongebob where a DAAAAHHHHHHH plays when some suspenseful and scary stuff happens?)
(Cuts to Jim looking at a table)
Peter: Hey, Jim, can you get somethin' for breakfast?
Jim: In a minute! *looks at the bread* ....nah. *looks at a cereal box* ..no way. *looks at a bag of garden dirt* *eyes widened*
*Jim drops a bowl full of dirt in front of Peter, who was a "lolwut" look in his face*
Peter: Eh, Jim, I don't want to insult your cooking or food-doing, but.. what IS that??
Jim: Somethin' for ya to eat.. durr.
Peter: Jim... this is dirt...
Peter: You got me... DIRT, to eat. That.
Jim: And thaaat's okay, because if you don't eat this dirt, I'LL MAKE YOU EAT ANOTHER DIRT!!!!
Peter: ...are you real?
Jim: Just enjoy this stupid bowl...
"dadevilukn0w": Jimmy, my creamy... uh, well, you have any sorts of entertainment when there's nothing to fight or shoot?
Jim: Well, first off, what the heck? And second, yeah! Actually, I do! I play games...
Peter: I kicked your BUTT, again! HAHAHA!
Jim: Grrrrr!! That was pure, undoubtedly, LUCK! Only!
Jim: I go driving cars...
Jim: Okay.. *puts down his car window* What's the problem, officer?
Policewoman: Sorry, sir, you stopped right in front of an hidrant. I'll have to give you a ticket.
Jim: *gasps* You're threatening me? Me?! The great Earthworm Jim?! With a TICKET?? The one who saved your pasty butts 24/7?! What has this world come to?! *throws hands into the aor, hopefully to make her feel bad*
Policewoman: It got traffic rules, sweetie. *glues a ticket in his head, mockingly petting his head, smirking* Have a good day, sir. *walks away*
Jim: I also try some fighting!
(Cuts to Jim and Peter positioning to fight)
Jim: Heh... no guns, but I still can kick your butt! *kicks multiple times in the air*
Peter: Well, let's see 'bout that! *smirks, gestures for him to fight*
Jim: WAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH... *runs towards him* EAT DIIR- *gets effortlessly punched in the face by Peter* *a bell goes out, with Jim fainting*
Peter: *he looks down at him* Ya got knocked the luck out, man! *laughs as he walks away victoriously*
"catscratcherZ": Hey, Jim! First off, I love you and your deeds!
Jim: Aww, thank you!
"catscratcherZ": But do you have a love life? Or anyone you crush on?
Jim: Uh... well.. *blushes* Sadly, I don't have anyone I am dating at the moment, but YEAH! I actually did have a crush before... she was like, a wonderful princess, man!
What's-Her-Name: Oh, who's that? Some girl from your past, I see?
Jim: *gasps in surprise* GAH! Oh, uh, heh.. I never.. heh, really knew her really much.. not even the name.. yep, I don't know what's HER name is.. but she was just one beautiful woman!
What's-Her-Name: Ah, interesting. *walks away*
Peter: Uh, Jim? You fine, buddy?
Jim: I'll just.. sigh.. edit that out.
"themindlessviperstar": Why do you live in a shack? Peacefulness?
Jim: Well, buddy, you just answered your own question! Actually, it was something my therapist told me to cool off my crazy tendencies.
Peter: (offscreen) Judging by the clocks he broke, it's going really well!
Jim: SHUT YOUR PUNY, LITTLE PUPPY MOUTH! *looks at the camera, and gives it a thumbs up, smiling*
Jim: Now you, heh, just watched my life and a really basic Q&A, as these fellas say it.. so if you enjoyed this thing, you could just, well, subscribe by clicking this button down here! And... SQUADALAH, we're off! *shoots the camera*
(Cuts to Jim and Peter watching the video, both with eyes widened)
Peter: You're lucky the footage survived.